Been gone for a minute. Part 1

*clears throat* HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

lol had to be late, you know i work on West Indian people time, which is a about 2 weeks behind CP time.

anyhow, Hi everyone! its been a while since I've blogged! i feel bad about it. I was actually thinking about blogging earlier this week, but of course something came up and prevented me from doing so.

So much has happened since i last posted. Let me see if i can give you a rundown:

1. i had another surgery. A week ago today to be exact.
2. left my job (don't worry, i wasn't fired. See reason #1)
3. i got rid of PD. (I'll explain.)
4. Newbs and I are speaking again (oh, i'll explain that too.)

Ok so lets see....where do i begin?

oh right. #1

can you believe its been 6 months since my last surgery ALREADY? yeah, me neither, time goes by when you're having fun. *snicker* But yes after multiple reschedules etc etc the good old doc took another chunk of my beloved right boob away *tear* BUT I'll be happy to announce that the problem area, the pigmentation that has plagued me for ALL of my life is GONEEEEE *does tootsie roll*

I cried like a big ass baby at my post op visit last Tuesday. It was beautiful.

Now all i need is for my 2 breasts to be the same size, and I'll be perfect. Again :-)

#2 The doctor kind of gave me an ultimatum when it was time for me to plan my surgery. you either A) have the surgery, go back to work after a week (which i did last time after he told me NOT to) get sick and have to have another unnecessary surgery to prevent what could've been prevented had i stayed my ass home or B) take a leave of absence and recovery properly.

I chose B. I even one upped him, and handed in my resignation. ALL of my co-workers were soo unhappy to see me go! but i had to. Whenever i was sick, i was never really off because they'd call for my help regarding things at work. that's part of the reason i went back to work so soon last time. But i said to myself this time "Self whens the last time you really REALLY took a break?" and self said "hmm good question"

SO as of right now I'm unemployed *GASP* lol but I'm not even stressing. my main focus right now is my health and recovery. I have money saved up (not to mention a real sexy tax return) that will cover my bills and expenses(or lack thereof) until I'm ready to work again

which will probably be soon. I'm not a homebody. At. ALL.

ok, im back to normal again.

I really went off in my last post, didn't I?

Its amazing how angry you can be in the heat of an argument.lol. I'm not upset anymore. Thank goodness. I don't like the angry me.

I have been keeping my distance from the few men in my life that seem to be in heavy rotation as far as me being "situated". Technically, I'm not spoken for. But I do have feelings for each of them. And each set of feelings is completely different.

Luckily I'm not trying to make anything out of any of these "relationships". I'm completely going with the flo.

And NO, I'm not sleeping with any of them. That tends to mess things up. Lol.

The only thing I'm kind of afraid of is possibly falling for them. Yes, them. I mean, its possible. They all have different qualities and different things about them that I'm attracted to and that I like. They all offer something different.

As far as the new year goes, I'm not going to have any preconcieved notions about my relationship status. Its strictly going to be about me, my health and my happiness. Maybe more.

Who knows?

♥

are committed relationships dead?

What the hell does a woman have to do to find a man that

A) does not already have a relationship in progress

B) have baby mama drama

C) doesn't want to fuck every girl in the world?

I cant deal with men anymore. I'm like "okay, if i give so'n'so so much time then I'm bound to be in good, right?

NO.

Everybody wants SOMETHING. Whether its money, all sex and no commitment, to boss you around.,..SOMETHING. Like COME ON ALREADY.

I'm kinda over this whole cycle i find myself being constantly pulled into. I'm a good person. I try to stay clear of any type of drama. but for some reason these NIGGAS(yeah, i said it) keep finding me and try to dog me the FUCK out.

So you expect me to sleep with you, give you money, but we never do anything?

So you expect me to sleep with you, and when your "girl who's not really my girl but shes still my girl" is in town i just disappear like its nothing?

Do I Have some sort of sign on my damn forehead that attracts these assholes?

Its like i need to be the anti-Christ to get anywhere with these people. Im so over this whole relationship thing its not even funny

Things can go from sugar to shit in 0.05 seconds. And with that i am DONE.

Time flies...

So its already December. Wow. Where the hell did 2009 go?

Personally I don't mind watching the bitch go. 2009 was a year for the books. And not in a good way. Between breakups, illness and funerals I couldn't catch a break!!!

I'm not gonna be cliche and say "2010 is gonna be my year" because well, frankly I don't know if it really is. I'm going to try and make the best of the coming year. This includes completing surgery, returning to school full time and keeping far away from shitty ass males.

That last one is going to be tricky. Not because I don't WANT to(we've all seen my track record....I need to) but because no one is who they really are until about 6 months to 2 years into a relationship lol.

I started seeing someone new.. Shut up.

I don't plan these things! They just happen.

Pd is pretty freakin awesome. But in the back of my mind I can hear the tiny tick tock the let down clock counting down.

Maybe I shouldn't. Blah.

♥

So i'm a little bored...

I have time to kill.. so why not do one of these questionnaire thingys?

ok, here goes.

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? Purple
2. Name one person who made you smile today. Jada
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Washing my hair
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Checking my email
5. What is your favorite candy bar? Twix
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Once.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? 'I'm In the living room'
8. What is your favorite ice cream? Butter Pecan
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Cranberry Grape juice
10. Do you like your wallet? Yes, it has my life organized into nice little slots :-)
11. What was the last thing you ate? A handful of Cap'n Crunch
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? 2 tops and a skirt
13. The last sporting event you watched? Lakers/Heat game last night
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Caramel Corn.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? Vic
16. Ever go camping? A few times at sleep away camp
17. Do you take vitamins daily? Absolutely.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Occasionally
19. Do you have a tan? Nope. I'm dark enough lol
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Chinese, im lactose intolerant.
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Yea. I think drinking from a bottle or a can isnt ladylike
22. What did your last text message say? ...'Do you see the snow'
23. What are you doing tomorrow? Sleep and nothing.
24. Favorite color? Purple
25. Look to your left; what do you see? A laptop case and an iPod.
26. What color is your watch? Havent worn one in 3 years
27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? My Nana
28. Would you strip for money? No..for fun? yes. LOL
29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive Thru
30. What is your favorite number? 25
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? Reggie
32. Any plans today? Might go out tonight, well see
33. In how many states have you lived? 3
34. Biggest annoyance right now? Not being able to take a lengthy vacation
35. Last song listened to? Winter Song- Sara Borealis
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yep
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Yea but she's not from a service lol
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? During the day? Uggs. Ultimate comfort
39. Are you jealous of anyone? No, cant think of anyone
40. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably not
41. Do you love anyone? Yep, lots
42. Do any of your friends have children? A few of them do
43. What do you usually do during the day? Work. Hard
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? I did, but not anymore
45. Do you use the word hello daily? Does 'Hi' count? if so, yes.
46. What color is your car? Blue
47. What size wedding ring do you wear? I'm a 6
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Yes i am...
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? I cant even count how many times lol
50. How did you get your worst scar? Surgery. Emotional scars are a whole nother story...

that was easy.

Ok so Newbs decided to show his ass, again.

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I don't think there is enough space for me, him and his ego in a relationship, unless its on a hi and bye level.

When you're not treated up to par you tend to not realize when there is that big ass neon sign saying DON'T DO IT YOU IDIOT! Because you're caught up in the moment. Well, at least that's my excuse.

I'm not even going to go on about how much I hate him blah blah blah because you've all heard it before. But just as I managed to maintain 50 feet in my relationship with the loser, newbs is slitherin his way into that lane.

I guess the saying "maybe god sends us bad guys so when we get a good one we can be thankful" is t r u e.

As of now I'm chillin. PD and I are cool, which is nice. So I'm not alone. Remember, there is a difference between alone and lonely.

We're going on a first "date" later this week(lol) I'll let you guys know how that goes.

♥

oye.

Ok so its been...idk almost 2 weeks since newbs decided to reappear.

And he won't go away.

This has caused for me to sit and try to figure out...what is it that he wants?

Its not like my love wasn't the ishhh...(Lol) but he can get lovin anywhere. Why is he bothering me?

And to add to that. PD, the old/new thang is such a doll. But when I'm at work, he's free and vice versa. So we really don't get to see eachother a lot.

He's one of those guys that you kinda dream about. Real affectionate and all that other hodge podge. But then again, so was Newbs in the beginning.

There are nights where I find myself ignoring the both of them. Because I find myself in dack overload. The phone calls, bbms, pictures. (LORD the PICTURES) can be a bit overwhelming at times.

Maybe its because i was so used to only Loser or No one approaching me, this is all new to me.

I think I can handle it.

The only thing that I'm trying to get a hold onto is my Ever present attraction to newbs and my newly developed attraction to PD.

What the HELL am I to do?!? *pulls hair*

♥