are committed relationships dead?

What the hell does a woman have to do to find a man that

A) does not already have a relationship in progress

B) have baby mama drama

C) doesn't want to fuck every girl in the world?

I cant deal with men anymore. I'm like "okay, if i give so'n'so so much time then I'm bound to be in good, right?

NO.

Everybody wants SOMETHING. Whether its money, all sex and no commitment, to boss you around.,..SOMETHING. Like COME ON ALREADY.

I'm kinda over this whole cycle i find myself being constantly pulled into. I'm a good person. I try to stay clear of any type of drama. but for some reason these NIGGAS(yeah, i said it) keep finding me and try to dog me the FUCK out.

So you expect me to sleep with you, give you money, but we never do anything?

So you expect me to sleep with you, and when your "girl who's not really my girl but shes still my girl" is in town i just disappear like its nothing?

Do I Have some sort of sign on my damn forehead that attracts these assholes?

Its like i need to be the anti-Christ to get anywhere with these people. Im so over this whole relationship thing its not even funny

Things can go from sugar to shit in 0.05 seconds. And with that i am DONE.

He's so good, so good, so OooOOh, Shit. Damn!

Ok this post is dedicated to newbie.

i'm real diggin this guy..and i think its a sign...peep what happened sunday night.

So as you all know, newbie left for Europe when i left for Vegas. his trip was supposed to last til 4/11. I knew that i would have some um..technical difficulties not seeing him for 2 weeks so i made sure to send him off with a smile *Wink*. I spoke to him when he first got to Manchester when i came back from Vegas last monday. I missed him something TERRIBLE.

To keep my mind off of him i picked up a few side hustles, and went out with my girls. i tried my best to stay clear of the LOSER cause i know how he is about newbie.

So sunday comes and my mom cooks. Loser always comes by, so it was no biggie. He was passin thru before he had to head over to his best friends house. He comes, has lil play fights with the twerp (my sister) and eats. So after we eat he comes and throws is 6'2 215 self across my lil ole bed. Im like boy move! he's like girl hush lets watch the game. I dont even remember wtf was on. So anyway i lay in the lil crevice of bed left infront of Loser. and lord. all of a sudden i got horny as HELL!..idk wtf came over me. and the thing with the loser is he knows me SOOOO well he just looked at me and i kno he could tell that i was ready to get it. Just as soon as he was about to make his move im like, what time u heading to the BF? (im tryna stall) and he goes searchin in his pockets. Only to realize that he left his phone in his car. so he goes to the car.and i use that lil time to compose myself. Just as i begin to relax, my phone rings...Its NEWBIE!!! omg so im like "hi baby!" and he's like "surprise boo, im home..i missed you like crazy" and the loser walks in like BF called i gotta dip u want me to come back? and im like naa u good ima ttyl. So i get up get dressed and dash to see newbie.

what a reunion....whew

please tell me that the gods were not workin in my favor? like that was a serious sign for me to not get into anythin with the loser. i couldve screwed up what im trying to build...

its about me now

lately I've been feeling so good about my decisions. altho right now the loser isn't speaking to me, I'm still happy. the old me would've been trying so hard to get him to talk to me, but i realize now that that was my big mistake. why should i kiss his ass when i know i was right for me? after all we've been thru, he's mad because i wont sleep with him. the man who claims to love me no matter what is actin like a bitch because he's not the center of my world anymore. Get over it. Its time to move on. you wanna ride the single train, so hop aboard the shit, don't hang from the railing.
Its not even a point of me talking to someone else now, because i am. and he makes me happy. I thought that the loser would appreciate getting his space, but it seems like he wants to eat the candy, and not get the cavities..nope, not on my watch. the old me, maybe. but over the last few months I've come to realize that i did all of my living for everyone else's happiness and not my own. and cant do that anymore. because if god is to snatch me from earth tonight i want to go knowing i lived as best i could for ME first, and everyone else second.

ima consider this my second coming.

I give good head....

ok so after that off topic from yesterday's post i was having a convo with a good friend of mine about head...both male and female.

i enjoy giving head(lol) gasp! i do. no need for me to deny it. i do what i do cuz i like it. and im good at it. that doesn't make me a hoe. i don't give everybody head, just my man. i was in the nail salon and this girl was talking to her friend about it like she was talking about no getting a tax return. she was like she was mad her man brought it up after they been together so long, how he loves to go down on her but she refuses to return the favor. in my mind I'm like "she so selfish" cuz she made it seem like she didn't do it cuz she never did, not that she didn't like to. i hate people who shoot things down before giving it a go at least once.

giving good head obviously takes practice. i ain't a porn star so don't expect some super duper spectacular stuff, but i will do my best to make ya toes curl lolol.

on to another thing. is swallowing a big deal to men? i mean, i don't have a preference to swallow or not to swallow, but some men love it and others find it "hoe" like? is that because of how its portrayed in porn. how do you bring this up to know if its OK? do you go" hey boo ima suck ya dick, should i swallow, spit it out or let ya shoot ya load into the air?" lmao i don't know..somebody put me on..

"I used to be scared of the dick...now i throw lips at the shit...handle it like a real bitch.." -Lil' Kim

Heaven, I need a Hug...

OK so I've been shopping compulsively lately. Shoes, bags, anything. you name it. I bought 8 pairs of shoes within 2 days last weekend. I couldn't figure out what the problem was but now i think i do. Lack of SEX. lolol. I haven't had sex in forever. Actually, i realize that lately i don't even want to, which is odd cause i LOVE me some dick. Yea i said it. I'm not a prude. I like to get mines...

*off topic* why are females so ashamed to admit they give head? is that still taboo? Cuz really i don't see what the big deal is. I enjoy knowing i can satisfy my man in numerous ways. Besides, if your man is so fresh and so clean why not offer him a little lip and tongue service every now and then? All the ladies want a man to give them a lick down, but don't want to return the favor. BITCH please. get over yourself. if you wont do it, someone else will.


OK now that i got that off my chest, back to the subject at hand. I've realized that there definitely is a direct correlation with my shopping/no sex problem. So i don't need shoppers anonymous, just nice long stiff one. But i've been at ends with the loser since our little...situation. I have a "boo", but everytime i try to see him something happens to prevent me from getting to the good stuff. lol. LAWD